Pet tickets

Next time you want to go to a major sporting event that costs a gazillion dollars and it seems like tickets are as scarce for the normal Joe as water in the Nevada desert, consider this:  If you have pets, when you submit your letter for tickets, add their names to the list.
For example, Fluffy and Woopsie are your cats.  When you send in your letter, send one from you, one from your wife, one from Fluffy and one from Woopsie.  This will increase your odds of not only getting seats, but perhaps even getting really lucky and receiving good seats.
You need not stop there, obviously.  Send in for your kids.  Get a hamster, let it breed, and then send in for Waldo, Scoobie, Frank, Wilbur, Molly and Wendy.  If they keep having offspring before the big sporting event, they’re an added bonus.  Pet stores could use their ability to reproduce as a selling tactic:  “Thinking about going to the Super Bowl?  Buy a hamster and just wait a few weeks. It’s a great way to teach your kids about the birds and the bees, and increase your odds for tickets to major sporting events!!”
A friend of mine has done this.  He has two dogs.  If I remember correctly, one of them is named Moose.  I’m not sure what he was looking for:  Seats at the NCAA Men’s Final Four Basketball Tournament; the U.S. Open Golf Tournament;  the World Series.
What he didn’t reckon on was the mail coming back to Moose Magilacutty.  When that first piece of mail arrived, I have to assume my buddy’s initial response, was “huh, who the heck is Moose?”
After a quick recalibration, he probably remembered it was his dog.  Then, he had to have wondered who the heck was trying to communicate with his dog.
If you’re prepared for the mail to come back with the names of your fish, cats, hamsters, dog and turtle on the stationary, then you won’t be startled by seeing their names in print.  So remember that you sent out those inquiries.
The bigger problem is when the junk mail comes in. 
It’s one thing for a dog named Moose Magilacutty to get tickets to the NBA finals.  It’s another when the canine gets an offer  for an extended warranty on a SAAB or Mercedes.  Or for a University of Louisville credit card from Citi Corp.
That’s when the system has gone awry.  Rather than determining whether submissions are human or not, the key individuals running the mailrooms for these major extravaganzas just plow ahead and figure a real person wants those tickets. Now why would they assume that?
The terror of this is what could happen to our fragile economic system.  As the mortgage companies teeter, the housing industry flounders, and consumers desperately try to cope with the rising prices of fundamental commodities, hamsters and salamanders are being offered credit cards.  Is it any wonder we are in such financial trouble nationally?
Someone in the backroom needs to check those details.  Oversight of the mail process is required.
Thought it’s a bit of a leap, there is a serious issue here.  It concerns the unwitting willingness of companies to solicit business from anyone or anywhere, with scant attention to where they are sending inquiries.
Receiving no-fee credit cards for the parrot you have caged on the back porch is not a positive sign that companies are looking closely at who they are marketing too. And isn’t that fundamentally what’s gotten us into the lending crunch mess we are currently experiencing?
We’ve all got to look a little closer at the bottom line before we borrow, lend or spend.  It only makes sense, but the past 15-25 years don’t seem to make a lot of sense to a common person like me when it comes to how people and companies budget and choose to live a tenuous existence based on the fantasy that you can borrow (or lend) more and more money without someday paying the piper.
Yes, the chickens have come home to roost, so to speak.  The question is:  Did they bring their credit cards with them or cash?  Or, if you’re really lucky, tickets to the Super Bowl?  Who knows, maybe if you have enough animals in your address book, sending all their names to the NFL might work in getting you into the Super Bowl.  You’d just have to change your name to Moose for a day.