Rudeness rules

Attention Deficit Disorder is rampant.  Rudeness rules.
You can take your pick of either of these syndromes, but examples abound all around us and show no signs of abating.  In fact, if anecdotal accounts are any indication, it seems we live more and more in a world that doesn’t value listening and respect, regardless of whether we are talking about our work or personal lives.
This could be a piece about the guy on the highway zooming by you, cutting you off and flipping you the bird.  Or the checkout person at the supermarket who gives you the snotty tone of voice, snaps her gum and still puts your groceries in a plastic bag even after you’ve handed her your two cloth reusable satchels and pointedly asked her to use them instead.
Yes, these things happen to all of us, and we develop our coping techniques. But that’s not the issue.  Instead, I’m talking about a subtlety in rudeness – people who’ve developed world-class techniques to devalue your input or make you feel inconsequential.
A most recent example was related to me by a friend over lunch.  We were discussing people not paying attention in conversation, and how hard it is keep a one-to-one dialogue going.
He’d had a recent business meeting and mentioned that the boss running the meeting was known for exiting the room in the middle of presentations, by taking calls on his cell phone.  Odd, but not dastardly by today’s rudeness standards, right?
Then again, he is the boss, so he should be setting the proper example and extending courtesy and an open ear to his employees, giving them his full and rapt attention.  Most of us have seen this happen, so it doesn’t seem so bad, except that it is the boss doing it.  Turn the rudeness indicator score up one notch for that.
What got to my friend was that it wasn’t only the cell phone that would lift his boss from his chair and out of the room, drawn like a magnet to exit the crushing boredom of power point presentations.  In fact, sometimes it would be nothing at all that caused him to rise and walk out.  He’d amble to the door, with no explanation, and not return for 20 minutes.
This could have been an urgent bathroom call, no question.  More than likely though, it was an extension of his ADD demeanor, and he didn’t care to explain and didn’t feel a need to justify where he was going.  He just went.
One reason I related to this story was that I had a similar boss at one point in my career -- before cell phones became ubiquitous in the workplace.  When we met weekly, it was just her and me in the room discussing upcoming issues in our respective areas.
Seems like it should be a recipe for give-and-take, straightforward talk, and the chance to be heard by your boss.  At times it worked the way it should; at others, the phone would ring and she would pick it up.  I quickly understood that made me inconsequential.
Her ambling monologue demonstrated how little my activities meant, how feeble our meeting outcome was to her.  She cemented in my mind that I would never be that rude.
As the ADD bombardment continues, we become numb or discuss incidents with a gallows humor.  A boss leaving the room to ramble for 20 minutes becomes a lunch rant rather than something that ‘s an issue you actually try to address in the workplace.
My friend related a trip to Quebec City in Canada by someone he knows.  The feedback was delirious, centering on how polite everyone was.  This acquaintance, having lived in a U.S. major city for many years, had forgotten that people could actually be polite and considerate.  He didn’t know how to respond.
It’s a sad day when kindness affects someone that way.  You’d hope it was the norm rather than the exception.  Sometimes all it takes is a construction worker in Richmond, Virginia, bullying you about where you can and can’t jog in the morning, as happened to me several weeks ago, and it sends you over the edge in response.
Though the F bomb in a work or social setting isn’t a great idea and solves no problems, it sure seems justified as the occasional rudeness response.  I wonder though whether I shook that construction guy to his foundation or caused myself angst for blowing my cool.  I’m not going to find out.