Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

The great (qualifier)

Lots of things in life require a qualifier. Most of the time I don’t care for hot weather (unless it’s not too humid). It is a well known fact I don’t like tomatoes (when they are raw, that is). And I love watching old movies (just not when John Wayne is in them).
In our family Margie, who will be 2 in about a month, has turned into quite the qualifier. I’m sure the toddler would think I was talking about a pacifier if I asked her about a qualifier ... but a qualifier she is.
Last weekend Heidi, Tom, Ben and Margie took off for a quick trip to Branson. Heidi told the kids they were going on a “vacation” to “Branson” ... it was true.
When it was time to go, Heidi lifted her daughter up and placed her in her carseat. Margie always rides directly behind Mommy on the passenger side. “Click” went the fastener and Margie was safe. “Click” went the fastener and as per usual, Margie started to chat.
“I’m going to Branson,” Margie stated. “I’m on vacation,” she added. “I’m in Branson” ... and then it started. “I can sleep (in Branson),” Margie announced. “I am eating (in Branson) ... I see a cow (in Branson).”
Heidi looked at Tom — Tom looked at Heidi. It was going to be a long ride. Ben covered his ears in dramatic protest ... “She’s hurtin’ my ears,” he whined. Now Heidi and Tom weren’t sure what was worse, Margie’s qualifying or Ben’s complaints about it.
Margie went on ... “I like candy (in Branson),” “I ate French fries (in Branson).” By now everyone in the car (but the sweet little blonde girl) was groaning. On they rode ... the Impala headed south over the hills, around the curves that define the Ozarks. Margie napped for a while, lulled to sleep by the gentle movement of the car. When she woke up, she started right up where she’d left off ... “I took a nap (in Branson),” “Can I have snacks (in Branson)?”
Just when the trio thought things unbearable Margie spoke up and asked, “Can I take my shoes off (in Branson)?” Heidi burst out laughing ... Tom joined in. Ben picked up his stuffed duck and pumpkin, placing one over each ear ... “Not again,” he said disgustedly, “no more,” he half yelled.
From then on it was kind of like the fortune cookie game when you add “in bed” to the end of every sentence. Only this time the phrase was “in Branson” — try it ... same effect. Here are a few examples: “He who throws dirt is losing ground (in Branson).” “You can always find happiness at work on Friday (in Branson).” “A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition (in Branson).” “Do not mistake temptation for opportunity (in Branson).” “A closed mouth gathers no feet (in Branson).” And the very appropriate — “Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own (in Branson).”
There they were, a nuclear family (in Branson) and it was the bomb. They rode the bunny ride (in Branson), visited the wax museum (in Branson), caught throwed rolls (in Branson) and went swimming (in Branson). Why, the kids even went to the go-cart track, where? Why (in Branson), that’s where. Margie went potty more than once (in Branson). She saw a giant banjo (in Branson) and had her picture taken eating Dunkin’ Donuts where else but (in Branson)?
Yes, Margie Pants had a really great time on her first ever vacation. And yes she is a great qualifier unless she is asleep (in Branson).